While in a department store tonight, I overheard a conversation between a cute thirty-something couple who was standing in the women’s swimming suit section. The dad, attempting to be helpful, was trying to entertain their two small daughters, probably ages five and seven. The mother, obviously displeased with her figure, which she continually referred to as “mushy,” kept holding up swimming suits, looking at her … Continue reading ouch

Forget dying. Forget giving speeches in public. Forget heights. If there’s one thing I dread in life, it’s going to Wal-Mart on the weekend. {To be clear, I’m not one of those people who’s morally opposed to Wal-Mart because it put somebody out of business eight years ago in Broken Donut, Arizona. I find that kind of silly. Businesses go under because they can’t compete, … Continue reading shudder

I have a new love: spray paint. It’s a miracle product. It makes ugly things beautiful, unusable things usable, nasty things pretty, and awkward things normal, like, for instance, these, um, elf . . . things . . . with eyelashes that completely encircle their eyes. Eww. They’re hideous. You can say it. I don’t mind. In fact, I’ll even agree with you. I mean, … Continue reading loves it