You’re stuck inside. It’s cold. You’re basically hibernating. And snacking.
Warm up. Heat up.
Give in to Sriracha. (No sweaters, Valentines, or Etch-a-Sketchs required.)
Step one: Buy Sriracha sauce from Wal-Mart.
Unless you hate Wal-Mart.
Step two: Buy salt from Aldi for less than 2 quarters.
Step three: Use about a half cup of salt to 5 tablespoons of Sriracha.
Step four: Stir them together and spread them out to dry for 2-3 days.
Step five: Stir it around every few hours, and when it’s finally dry, wrap it up in a towel and go to town with your rolling pin, just to make sure it doesn’t clump together too much.
Determine whether or not it’s too cold to air out your kitchen.
Step whatever-number-it-is-we’re-on: Bottle it up, reserving at least a taste for yourself.
Give it away next Christmas, next Valentine’s Day, for no apparent reason, to the man who ran the snow plow down your street, dumping even more snow in your driveway and making it virtually impossible for you to back your Honda Accord out, and to your husband, who just shoveled that same snow out into the yard for the eighth time since yesterday so that you could get to the grocery store.
To buy Sriracha.